Conflicts are good. They are opportunities for change. And they can be resolved. Whether you have a fight with your neighbor, a disagreement with your partner or just a frustrating colleague, you can learn a lot from your conflicts. Especially, if you are willing to look inwards.
In this episode, I speak with Louisa Weinstein, an expert in conflict resolution and the author of The Seven Principles of Conflict Resolution. She will provide us with a framework for conversations as well as tools and techniques that help us resolve conflicts more effectively.
Louisa will talk about
- Why conflicts are a good thing
- The process of conflict management and how you can approach each phase
- How you can identify your conflict patterns and what you can use them for
- How to create a conflict friendly culture
Are you too busy? Here are the key points
I have collected the three most important takeaways from my conversation with Louisa. It was a really interesting talk; I learned a lot. I hope it inspires you to listen to the full episode.
#1 Identify your patterns of conflict. We all have patterns in our conflicts. Some conflicts come from the same underlying reason, or some towards the same type of person. If you identify those patterns, you can communicate more clearly about your needs or fears. That will help you resolve your conflicts more effectively.
#2 Our most intense conflicts happen when there is a violation of a fundamental need. We often discuss symptoms; you don’t clean up after yourself, I want you to spend more time at home, I want to make the presentation – not you. But all that is just symptoms. Behind that is a violation of a fundamental need. Typically, these are what initiate your patterns of conflict.
#3 Structured conversations in small units such as teams and families can prevent conflicts from escalating. It is hard to change the culture around conflicts. Especially if you are in a large organisation. Smaller units are better. A family of five or a team of six. That’s where it is possible to change the culture of the conversations we have. In the episode, Louisa guides us through those conversations.
Curious for more? Here are the links I promised
- Louisa on LinkedIn
- Louisa on Twitter
- The Conflict Resolution Centre
- The 7 Principles of Conflict Resolution – A great book that guides you through the process of conflict.
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